You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
