i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
