You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
