Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
