the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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