I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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