no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
