Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
