what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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