you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
