I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
