If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
