you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
