3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
