dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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