she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
