girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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