OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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