he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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