just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
