would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
