Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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