As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
