I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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