Sry I called you an 8
I just saw a hot homeless man
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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