i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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