I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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