.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
