I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
