Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
