please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
