I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
