Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
