Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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