I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
