My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
