I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
