my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
