It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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