so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
