My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
tell me about the eggs
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
