I'm really into asian looking animals
It's like God shit irony all over that family
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
