I am puke
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
