My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
well you can't waste a boner
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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