If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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