I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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