we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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