Your mouth is God's brothel.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
