i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
