I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you didnt know i had herpes?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
