Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
