Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
